Here, therapists, relationship coaches, couples counselors, and more explain why dating is so much harder at mid-life. If you’ve already had kids in your past relationship or don’t want any in the future, dating an older man is a good path for you, because it’s less likely that he’s interested in having kids. He may even have grown children, which may be easier to deal with if you get serious and end up living together or married (you’re not the wicked stepmother to small children). Even if men tend to be just slightly older, we all know many different-sex couples where the age difference is not only wide but also opposes that which is expected by evolutionary psychology. In other words, we know couples in which women are substantially older than their partners.
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They say nothing lasts forever, and while I do see long-term, committed, monogamous relationships (which is amazing!), I also see dating after divorce and other alternative situations. Apps and websites have been a major catalyst in the dating community, and the doors have opened for all demographics. It is an exciting time for experimenting with your love life.
Others simply want to relax and enjoy their home and neighborhood. You should be honest with yourself about how you want to live life, and date people who enjoy the same things. Do not try to force yourself to do what you think you are ‘supposed’ to do. Ultimately, Pam is happy to have found the love of her life. Although she lost a couple of friends because of him, she is happy with the life they've built, and is content knowing their closest family members approve of their relationship. A senior citizen got engaged to a 21-year-old man who people opined was young enough to be her grandson.
This may have seen their partners act as primary providers or heads of the home. The combination of youth and a mindset still in development, make younger men an appealing choice for women looking to experience more from life. Older women may also find younger men—who are usually at the prime of their physical health—to be more energetic as sexual partners. One truth about age is that it comes with experience. Older women, having navigated the sexual terrains of their 20s, 30s, and 40s, usually come out knowing what they want, what works, and what should be avoided during sex.
Does an Age Gap Matter in a Relationship?
Although they were not romantically involved until they were both adults, the public scrutiny Emmanuel and Brigitte have experienced over the years is a sign of the times. Karen, a 69-year-old in New York City who asked to be identified by only her first name to protect her privacy, told me that sex is great at her age. She finds that men are more aware of women’s desires; if they can’t sustain erections, they’re more thoughtful and creative, and they compensate—often with oral sex. “They’re very willing to do whatever it takes,” she said.
"Acting from a scarcity mindset means we may overlook some red flags." You might have felt less resistance in your younger years to adopting someone else's way of doing things—because your own weren't so firmly set in stone. "A major reason as to why dating is so much harder in your 50s is because you're much more set in your ways and values," says certified mental health consultant and relationship expert Claire Barber. "This isn't a bad thing; it just means that it can be harder to get into the flow of dating because you have less patience for people who you don't vibe well with." When you're younger, compromise is an ingrained part of daily life as you grow and evolve.
Pretty much, they’re into what you’re actually like, and not the fact that you have a gym membership. If they haven’t built a family of their own that includes a husband and kids, they’ve built a solid network of friends, supporters, animals, and neighbors. Plus, just because a woman is childless herself doesn’t mean she doesn’t consider her sister’s teens like her own. Her idea of family is a little less traditional, but that means she gets invited to no less than three Thanksgiving dinners every year. And she probably tries to attend all of them—or at least FaceTime every group to wish them a happy holiday. There are, however, circumstances that might make that challenging.
Meeting people online is likely the biggest shift that’s happened since the last time you dated. But for most people over 50, “online dating is where it’s at,” says Schwartz, who recommends using sites that users have to pay for. On top of that, if you’ve been out of the dating scene for 20 or 30 years, you’ll come to realize that a lot has changed. For example, behaviors like “ghosting” and “breadcrumbing” are part of the new norm. “These behaviors have been around for a long time, but nowhere near the extent to which they are now,” says Deb Laino, DHS, a Delaware-based relationship therapist and certified sex educator.
Likewise, 25% of younger men are looking beyond partners within their age group to find fulfillment in relationships with mature lovers. You may be excited to meet that aforementioned someone great, but don't assume that every relationship is going to be a lasting one. It can be awkward to feel like you're pushing your date into in your inner circle, so wait until you're certain you're on the same page about your relationship before having him or her meet your family and friends. While it may seem a bit strange at first to have someone 20 years your junior or senior ask you out, don't assume that they have ulterior motives in doing so.
‘ I don’t see the issue myself – certainly in terms of attractiveness. The difference between an attractive women in her early 30s and one in her early 50s is not as big as the latter would tell herself it is. And this often comes with an attitude that is very attractive too. There is something alternative hornet.com very cool about someone who gives less of a fuck than someone in their early 30s, who may be wrapped in insecurity. As the creator of the word WHIP (Women who are Hot, Intelligent and in their Prime – or Primark if times are tough), I applaud these ‘finger up at society’ age-gap relationships.
It’s making me want to look 50, and talk about 50, and stand firm with a whole movement of women, rejecting the pressure to try to look 35 for ever, throwing away our foundation garments and hair dye. I get these impulses and then I buy another stupid snake-oil anti-ageing cream. “I bet you were gorgeous when you were young,” I was told recently, via message, like that was supposed to be a compliment. Yes, I was gorgeous, ish, for a while, and self-absorbed, and shallow, and inexperienced, and over-sensitive and dull. You’re right, mate, you’d have much preferred me then.